Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

When was you wife swapping fantasy started?

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

I had run out of hope.

Win a signed pink cycling jersey of Giro winner Simon Yates - Team Visma

Be who you already are.

I was tired of fighting.

The sadness was still there.

Mets’ need their all-time lost opportunity to be a Dodgers aberration - New York Post

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

And the sadness?

Why did Trump call Biden and Schumer Palestinians?

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

It’s still here.

I was tired of trying and failing.

Scoop: Treasury officials defend "revenge tax" from wary GOP senators - Axios

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

It’s here now, writing to you.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

Rory McIlroy explains frequently skipping media availability: ‘I feel I have earned the right to do whatever I want’ - Awful Announcing

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

High-Average, Low-Slugging Hitters Are Back, and Baseball Is Better for It - Sports Illustrated

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

You are like me, then.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

Meta – yep, Facebook Meta – is now a defense contractor - theregister.com

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

Cosmic Mystery Solved: Astronomers Have Discovered the Universe’s “Missing” Matter - SciTechDaily

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.